


Battle for the Pointy-Ass Glam Badges

by AdorabloodthirstyKitty



Category: Homestuck, Paradox Space - Fandom
Genre: I am so fucking happy to have my stupid clown baby back, M/M, and his fucking bOWTIE
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-16
Updated: 2014-04-16
Packaged: 2018-01-19 11:41:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 805
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1468150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AdorabloodthirstyKitty/pseuds/AdorabloodthirstyKitty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>who will win the first annual Juggalicious Talent Carnival? let's find out!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Battle for the Pointy-Ass Glam Badges

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Idefix](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Idefix/gifts).



You pull on your fancy-ass bowtie, lookin over your reflection in one of the horns before hearing the countdown, heading around to the stage to a roar of applause. Lights flash and you grin before startin your spiel. "What a motherfuckin turnout! Hope you're all hella stoked, cuz it's time for the... FIRST ANNUAL JUGGALICIOUS TALENT CARNIVAL!!" More loud cheers errupt from the players as you grin, waving your hand to calm em some before going on. They grin excitedly as you continue. "Which one of you is gonna upturn this shit like a pie tin and win a shitload of pointy-ass glam badges?  I bet you all been bakin these routines like a choice-ass pie you can't wait to bust out on a culinary ninja," you pause, grinning before raising your arms over your head excitedly as you yell "SO LET'S GET THIS SHIT ROLLING!!"

  The first act goes behind the curtain, gettin shit set up while you tell the rest of the players about the act. "Our first act of the motherfuckin night comes to us from the duo of Nepeta Leijon and Equius Zahhak, two motherfuckers I KNOW will entertain. And their act is-" the curtain opens dramatically, Equius holding a fearsome whip while Nepeta growls and roars. "Taming the wicked-ass purrbeast," you finish, the players gasping as Nepeta swipes at your blue-blooded brother with her long, sharp claws. "Shiiiiiiiiiit," you say as Equius just barely dodges her claws,  the wicked lioness pouncing down and circling him like a predator. He doesn't move, sweat coating his brow as she pauses (or pawses, as your wicked kittysister might say) before leaping toward him, pouncing on him and dragging him across the floor under her weight. You hear a few gasps and shrieks but soon Equius lifts her over his head as if she weighs nothing before flinging her over his shoulder and carrying her away. The crowd roars, standing as they cheer. "That was Equius Zahhak and his wicked kittysis Nepeta Leijon, let's hear it for em!" More clapping and cheering ensue before you grin, the curtain closing for the next performer, one you are not so motherfuckin excited to see.

"Our next act comes to us from our very own Prince of Hope, Eridan Ampora! His wicked-ass talent will be some stupid fakey-fake bullshit magic!" you announce, failing to keep the contempt and annoyance out of your voice as the curtains open again to reveal the fishdouche himself, wearing a top hat over his perfectly styled hair. You don't even listen to him as he addresses the crowd with his stupid accent, blubbering on about cards and a hopbeast all up in his hat. You cut him a bit short cuz all this BLASPHEMOUS MOTHERFUCKIN RUCKUS is givin you a panache somethin fierce, the curtains shutting in front of him mid-sentence as the crowd claps politely. "That was Eridan Ampora with his stupid fake-ass magic," you say, rubbing at the spot between your aucular ducts that's started poundin with annoyance. You shake yourself out of it though, can't leave your audience hangin!

 "Alright, our next contestant is the Heiress herself, Feferi Peixes! And our wicked princess will all up and entertain y'all with-" the curtains open again, Feferi smiling excidedly as she juggles... "Dangleslug juggling?" you say incredulously before growling, slapping a hand over your face in an irritated facepalm. "HELL NO. These are so bad my thinkpan hurts. Tavros my man, you better be ready to fuckin impress..." you start, turning to him before your eyes go wide, mouth opening in a look of pure shock. "Motherfuckin gasp!?!"

 There sits your main bro Tavros, surrounded by a pile of drawings. "Holy SHIT. This is trippin me out more than that time I ate a fuckin jugglingpin by mistake. Just... DAMN," you say, looking over a particular drawing of a downright flushed variety, you kissing his big ass horn. "This blatant smut scribblry's only gonna get you one thing Tav.." you say, reaching out toward him. "Every fuckin glitter biscuit!" you announce happily, slapping some of them fancy ass glam badges his way before turning toward the other contestants, not even turning to look em head on with all the annoyance you got flowin toward em. 

"The rest of y'all get jack shit. All that shit was just wicked disgraceful," you say, rage quickly filling your pump biscuit as you whip around toward em, eyes red with Highblood rage. "And THAT'S why you get fuckin SUBJUGGULATED!!" you scream, turning back to Tav and instantly calming the fuck back down as you lead him away from them blasphemous motherfuckers. "Man, let's go make out, you fuckin art champ. Shit." You glare over your shoulder at those other motherfuckers one last time before headin off to have some wicked makeouts with the motherfuckin champ.  


End file.
